


Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

by kisahawklin



Series: Supernatural Season 13 Tagathon [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean trying to deal, Episode: s13e12 Various and Sundry Villains, Gen, Sam's trauma, and being a little lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 00:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13559271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: Dean knows. He just doesn't know what to do.





	Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

**Author's Note:**

> It's late, I have a funeral tomorrow. This is all I can do. Basically, though, I want all the Sam/Rowena and Sam&Rowena fic ever.

It's so close.

Dean knows Sam almost admitted… something. He's not stupid, he knows this thing with Rowena is tied up with Lucifer, which means it has something to do with Sam's time in the cage. 

Sam's never talked about it, not once. At first Dean assumed he wouldn't need to ask – Sam always wanted to talk about things, he assumed it would come spewing out whether Dean wanted it to or not. 

But there were nightmares and sleepless nights, and Sam went right into the fucking loony bin without actually telling Dean a damn thing. Dean even tried a couple times in there. Made overtures. Sam ignored them.

After Purgatory, Dean kinda forgot for a while. It may have been pure in Purgatory, but what came out of there wasn't pure Dean. He learned maybe he was a little bit of a monster, and he was surprisingly okay with that. 

Then he turned into a grade A, full-on monster and he definitely wasn't so okay with that. He hadn't even thought about Sam's shit, because he was too busy dealing with his own. But Sam never once brought it up. Even when Lucifer was still around. Even when Lucifer touched his fucking soul.

And when Mom came back, well. That had brought a lot of things back into focus. Dean knew things were tough with her; knew Sam had an even harder time connecting, but he couldn't risk his own relationship with her… not until it was almost too late. 

Talking to her in her head… that had been the first time _Dean_ said it out loud. Not details, but… some. Some recognition of what Sam had been through. And it broke his heart, and he meant to talk to Sam about it, but then everyone died and so did he a little. 

And none of it's fair. Or right. Or even forgivable, really. It's been seven years since he got Sam back, whole but broken, and all he has is a list of excuses for why he never asked the questions. 

The thing is, Sam didn't talk, either. And there are probably a lot of reasons for that, but what Dean has to figure out now is if Sam wants to. If he needs to. And how hard to push.

The work has never been an answer for Sam. He knows that, has always known it. It's just that it's the only argument he has, and he's never understood Sam's reasons, either, so he doesn't know how to appeal to them.

His head is spinning. He doesn't know what to do. Even if he knew what to do, he doesn't know if Sam wants him to do it. The whole thing just makes his head hurt.

He finishes his beer and limps back to his room and falls asleep remembering the days when a woman in white was their biggest problem.


End file.
